PLANTS ALIVE AND FAKE

My husband has an obsession: buying plants

This is a story about these unfortunate plants and one in particular.

A section of my husband’s plant collection.

My husband is unable to leave Walmart or Market Basket, our local grocery chain, without a new plant to add to his collection. He started with a few plants on top of his bureau and soon needed to add a plant stand on top of it to accommodate his expanding pots and containers.

These unfortunate plants come here to die: they are either neglected or drowned in water. The result is the same. They die. He replaces them.

His collection is housed in his bedroom, on his plant stand, on his window sills, and hanging from curtain rods. He faithfully and indiscriminately waters them without checking the soil to determine if they need water. When I suggested he test the soil of his plants before watering or keep a written schedule, he is offended and thunders back “I know how to care for plants!”.

The evidence against him is displayed in the pile of leaves dropped on the floor from the over-watered group and the dry shriveled leaves clinging to stems in the water-deprived group. He scorns my advice or offers of assistance.

“Do you want me to bag the plant, sir?” asked the Walmart cashier. “Oh no,” said my husband, shocked at the idea of a living plant encased in a…